I am extremely excited about the volleyball fundraiser tournament tomorrow. This fundraiser has allowed me to see my husband in a new light. You might not know this, but I expect a lot out of my spouse on a daily basis, but I expect more out of myself. Being too tired to get things done has been absolutely awful for me. I want to be Superwoman. There are times when I just have to rest and that is when I start letting Satan get the best of me and I let his thoughts creep in and try to steal my joy, my joy that Jesus gives me. I want to do so much before I die and I feel like I am trying to squeeze it all in, but I know I will never accomplish everything I want to finish, even if I live to be 100. Anyways, Paul has done A LOT of work for this tournament and it makes my heart skip a beat when I see how enthusiastic he is about the tournament, he is relentless. I actually think he might have missed his calling in life. He could do this as a permanent job! This past Tuesday, I felt awful and I had to leave work early. I hate when people see me sick. I don't like to appear weak or in pain, I don't want people to ever feel sorry for me. I want them to treat me like the Katrinia I was before my babies died, before cancer, before life seemed to overwhelm me. But, I feel like God has been teaching me to reveal myself more, I don't need to hide my hurt. I can't find it anywhere in the Bible where it says to keep things secret. In fact it says the opposite. I am to call upon Him in my time of need and ask other believers to lift me up in prayer. Prayer is still hard for me, is it weird that I feel selfish asking for God to heal me? Why should He heal me and not the next person? Well, I called Paul to tell him that I had to leave work early because this means my paycheck will be a little short, and he emails my aunt to send out an email asking for prayer. I was embarrassed and mad at him because I don't want anyone to worry about me. Then, I felt God's conviction, He said "STOP IT", let people in again." God knew that we as humans need other people, we need family, we need friends, we need to feel a part of something. I am blessed in all of these areas of my life. On our deLIVER t-shirts there is a verse Psalms 50:15, which I cling to. It says, "and call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me." I want to scream from the top of my lungs, "Hear my cry God, deliver me please, and I promise, I will HONOR You all the days of my life." But, I will do my best to honor God all the days of my life no matter what. When I think about God sacrificing His only son on the cross, I get extremely emotional, I simply am unable to fathom it. I would throw myself in front of any bullet, bomb, speeding car, you name it to protect Thomas. I am so thankful for Jesus and the peace of knowing where I spend eternity. It makes death much more bearable.
I want to open my blog up for questions. Feel free to ask me any question you would like and I would love to answer it. I don't know what you might be wondering about me because some readers have known me my whole life and some just met me. And, if you are out and about in Pasadena tomorrow, stop by Memorial High School on Crenshaw to buy some raffle tickets, watch some volleyball, and eat some good food, and I would love to see you. Have a wonderful night and thank you again for all the love and support.