So, I will pick-up on Saturday morning December 31st. I woke-up vomiting and feeling like a big bag of poo. We HAD to go pick-up our minivan or we would lose our deposit, so we got dressed and I slept in the truck on our way to the dealership. I signed all those papers and was handed the keys to our new used 2008 Chrysler Town and Country Touring van. It is red, has lots of gadgets, and is way better on gas than my FJ. I, never in a million years, thought I would want a minivan, but life has changed me and sliding doors have changed my life. Thomas seems to love it, but Paul loves it more. I think he would like to switch vehicles with me. Paul gets extremely excited any time something has lots of electrical "extras." If you ask him about our minivan, be ready to hear an earful about all it has to offer.
We drove straight home and I went back to sleep, Thomas took a nap with me. Paul was busy working on lots of volleyball tournament stuff, so my sister and Karina came over to help with me and Thomas. I simply needed rest and I once again had a horrendous headache. I had several rags on my head and I also was running a temperature all day. Due to my liver issues, I can't really take any medication for pain. The average person honestly has no idea how bad Tylenol is for your liver. I have learned in the last seven and a half years to "suck it up," when it comes to pain. The funny thing is, the number one concern or fear relating directly to the actual transplantation of a liver is the pain, not only from the incision, but also from having to stay on a ventilator for more than 24 hours. I never wanted to be on a vent, I want to breathe for myself. I plan on begging before they put me under to please ween me off the vent right after surgery. I also want my surgeon to have someone take a picture of my old liver and my new liver. Pictures are extremely important to me and I want to see this most precious gift with my own eyes. All of Saturday was pretty much a blur of sleeping, trying to drink some fluids, and a throbbing headache.
Sunday, Paul and Thomas went to church, but I still had fever and headache. I was told by a few people when I received my treatment that "the worse you feel, the better the medicine is working." I kept reminding myself of this the whole time. My work called to cancel me for Monday because we were going to be slow due to the holiday of New Year's, I welcomed this cancellation and it gave me an extra day to recoup. Sunday evening, I went over to my sister's house to take a bath. It was a glorious bath. It is amazing how a nice, hot bath can make you feel so much better. My sister washed my back and my mom came over and played with my hair. Having someone play with my hair is the absolute best feeling. It relaxes me completely. By Monday morning, I felt much better and I was able to go out to lunch with Paul. We had a really good day together.
Tuesday, I went to work and I worked downstairs in the clinic. Several of the clinic nurses got together and bought me a card and a gift card to Target to wish me a happy new year and brighten my day. It touched my heart, I feel so undeserving. I love all the different departments I get to work with at by job. I know I am extremely lucky to work at a place like Shriners, where we deliver top-notch care for children all for free. People are always so grateful for the care and they almost can't believe they will never receive a bill. It is so cool to get to see someone take their first step after surgery, or see a parent's face after their child has had their cleft lip/palate repaired. Words will never do it justice, and you don't need to speak the same language to understand it either. In these moments, I feel so close to God, I realize He is so powerful, so good, so underrated. My God is so huge and sometimes I forget that or take it for granted. He can do ANYTHING.
Lately, the number one question people keep asking me is, "How do you feel?" As far as health, I would say I am just a lot more fatigued than my usual self, but I know my energy will return to me after transplant. What I really want to say, but I usually keep to myself is, "I feel scared, I feel like I am running out of time, I feel like I am circling a drain some days, I feel like I need some answers, I feel blessed, I feel stressed, I feel lucky in some ways, I feel like I need to do more for God, I feel empty sometimes, I feel a lot of things, I just don't know how to answer someone. I wonder, do people really want to hear how I feel or are they hoping since I am out and about that I feel good? I honestly feel older than 33. I feel like my life has aged me and I say things sometimes and I quickly realize that my Pawpaw
I go for a CT scan tomorrow and should have those results by Thursday. I can't wait for the day when I can go years without all these tests. I will try to update you guys and I can't say enough how thankful I am that you read this blog, pray for me, send me encouragement, text me, or help me. Daily, I am humbled by all the goodness around me and all the wonderful people in this world. If the earth has this much love and kindness, I can't imagine how amazing heaven will be someday, someday hopefully far, far away.