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Saturday, February 23, 2013

One Year Liversary

     I cannot believe it has been one year! I am so thankful, joyful, humbled, and the list goes on. I couldn't help but think about my donor's family today too. This has to be a very hard time for them. We both have an anniversary today, but they are so very different. I still have not heard anything from his family, but I'm going to keep trying to make contact with them. It is so important to me to personally thank them.
     This year has been wonderful. Sometimes I get emotional just sitting in the car driving around doing errands with Thomas. I will hear him say a new phrase, or he asks to hold my hand, or the absolute best thing in the world is when he tells me he loves me out of the clear blue sky! I cry thinking about how blessed I am to hear these things and watch him grow. Having a child changes you in every way. You instantly become selfless, you no longer need adequate amounts of sleep, and you never stop thinking about them. I pray for the mother of my donor because she must miss her son so much. I kinda went through a spell of being sad after a lovely lady I went to church with had a liver transplant performed by my doctors as well. Unfortunately, after months of fighting, she lost her fight. I guess I had survivor's guilt or something. I would cry every time I thought of her. Why did I do so well after transplant? Why couldn't she live too? While this makes me sad, it is also a great reminder of how my life could have been so different. I feel like I can't say thank you enough to God, my medical team, my family, my church, and especially my donor.
     I watched this special last night on tv about Robin Roberts and her transplant. I could relate to her story in so many ways. She talked about wanting her mom so bad, but her mom had recently passed away. I realized how lucky I am to still have my mom. She knows how to make me feel better in every situation, and she plays with my hair better than anyone else! Robin talked about 30 days in like a solitary room to protect her from germs. I reflected on the 30 days I could not hold Thomas. Not being able to hold him was the absolute worst part of this whole ordeal. I had worried about the pain before the surgery, but there is no medicine to take away heart pain. Ultimately, of course I know that not holding him was a small sacrifice compared to all the other outcomes.
     I feel like every relationship in my life is different, on a higher level now. You start to treat people different and look at them with new eyes when you thought you might have only a small amount of time left with them. I still have a list of things I need to work on, but everyday I get a little closer to my goals. I hope to make my donor proud each day, but more importantly, I hope to honor Christ each and every day of my life!