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Saturday, May 11, 2013

Sometimes It Just Hits Me

     Sometimes, when I least expect it, it hits me, it takes my breath away.  I stop and think, "I have someone else's liver inside of me!"  It still seems surreal some days that this is even possible. Who were the brave people who tried this for the first time? I want to thank them so much.  I have yet to hear from my donor's family, but I have not lost hope. I keep praying that they will want to meet me and I can personally thank them. I think about him all the time and I know that his family must miss him so much.
      I was blessed to spend this past weekend with two of my college roommates for Becca's Bachelorette weekend. It was so refreshing to spend time with them and two new friends I made. Becca's matron of honor and I really hit it off and I totally relate to her in almost every way, we are both even nurses. Her sis-in-law was very inspiring and so genuine that I felt like I hung on her every word. I also just ordered a book she recommended and I can't wait to start reading it. It was a time of reflection and thinking about my college years. I kept thinking about the question of, "am I living the life I thought I would be living?"  This leads to me thinking about my life story.  Of course, I never in  a million years dreamed I would ever bury babies, be diagnosed with cancer, have a transplant, or even be blessed enough to be called, Mom! This weekend was great to be around other wives that LOVE their husbands, are honest about their quirks and annoying habits, and  all of our talk centered around our faith in Christ.
     My friend Katy, aka Pollyanna, has had 3 babies in 3.5 years! Yes, she still has a six pack and her baby is only 3 months old, but I almost forgot why I love her so much. She is such a strong Christian, yet never judgemental or condescending, she is able to relate to everyone.  I was able to spend the night with her parents on Friday night and I felt giddy like a little kid the night before Christmas. I was able to pick fresh fruit from their garden and eat it, I learned broccoli cooking tricks from Mrs. Jan, I had in depth conversations with Mrs. Jan too, and I felt at home. This family is such a fine example of what I desire my family to be like. I honestly think that if I had my car break down in the middle of the night anywhere remotely close to Baton Rouge, this family would pick me up, take me home, feed me, and help me get my car fixed. They are just good people. Not to mention that Mr. Bobby fixed me a "K" and a teddy bear pancake Saturday morning.  I love the fact that all of their children are into health, exercising, and Jesus.
     I found out that I was the only one out of all five girls that doesn't get car sick! I rode in the back of my van for the first time. I know what you are thinking, we looked so cool pulling up in a minivan on our big bachelorette weekend! I am finally to the point that I can talk about my babies without crying or making people feel uncomfortable. I still kept thinking about little things and why I cared about certain things that none of my other friends seem to think about, they all seem a little more laid back.  I used to be so carefree and spontaneous.  I am so serious about my time with Thomas, I never really give myself a break, but I guess being worried that you might actually die changes how you view things and for sure your priorities. I just want to make sure that these are good changes. Once you have a bad MRI, all MRIs after that are super stressful. I honestly used to go in with the attitude that everything would be okay, but now, I stress out until I hear the results. I am constantly thinking about the environments I am in, what I will be exposed to, what type of food will be available, etc.. I hate being high-maintenance, but it is so much better than the alternative. I know I am bouncing all around here, but it has been so long that I have blogged, I have a lot to say.
     I am super excited about Becca's Wedding this summer! I will get to spend more time with the bridal party and after the wedding, I get to go see the Tan's! I have missed my bud Cherie so much. She even has a new baby boy that I get to meet for the first time. They live in Florida, close to where the wedding is, so we are staying a couple of nights with them!  When I was face-booking her about our plans, I read the previous message she had sent me in January of 2012, just one month before my transplant. It was so nice and comforting. The last sentence said," You will see Thomas graduate high school and college, see him get married, and see your grandchildren grow!" Those words mean so much to me, I still get teary reading them. I am such a blessed person when it comes to friendships!
     Something that I think about that other people probably don't is when Thomas gets hurt and cries out for me saying "I want my momma," it makes my heart swell with joy, but I always think about my donor and how he once cried for his mother the same way. I bet she longs to speak to him or for him to call her for help or advice.I find myself thinking about her often and how hard losing her son must be. I just keep praying that I will be able to meet her someday.
     I am going to say it again, I really hope to do a better job blogging more often! Thanks for reading.

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