Words From My Journaling

I found my journal from my pregnancy with the twins. I thought I would share:

Thursday, November 5, 2009

    First morning in the hospital after being admitted yesterday. First, I feel so blessed to have Dr. Rowe as my doctor- I am amazed that there is even a doctor like him in existence. I feel so loved after all of the friends and family that came by to see me. ( Mom, Dad, Tricia, Karina, John Emerick,  Pawpaw, Heather, Susan, Booley, Tricia H, Kim, Susan, Deb, Karen, Celinda, Rick, Kay, Mary, Dee Anne, Jerry, Billy and Danny). I want my boys to meet this amazing family I have and love.
     Jamie Hodges told Karen to have me read Psalm 91 today. She must really be close to the Lord because it is exactly what I needed to read.
* I do dwell in the shelter of the Most High
*I will rest in the shadow of the Almighty
*He will and does always save me-even though I don't deserve it
*I wand to find refuge under His loving wings
*His faithfulness is my shield
*I want to dwell in the Most High
*He will guard me in all my ways
*Because I love Him-He will rescue me
*He will protect me

How can God love me so much that he wants to do all of these things for me?  I am so happy that I know Christ as my Savior- I want Him to use me and my twins for His glory. I may not even understand why I have to work so hard or fight for things, but I know God is preparing me for something amazing. He has blessed me with a family like no other and friends that make me feel loved and special. I love my husband, aunts, uncles, cousins, mom, dad, brother, sister, and niece so much. Pawpaw continues to surprise me and love me-he is such a good man. Lord- thank you for giving me such a strong support group to love and care for me. you know my needs and you understand how much I need people. You are my strength Lord- I GIVE MY BABIES TO YOU AND MY HEALTH TO YOU LORD- You know the plan and I trust in Your plan for my life because ultimately my life is Yours. (Can you believe I really wrote these exact words in my journal?)
Lord- Thank you for Paul- I know I am hard on him and expect a lot, but he is really stepping it up here lately and I appreciate him. I am so glad that Jerry and DeeAnne were here for him when he needed them. I am sorry for being selfish sometimes and putting him on guilt trips. I keep thinking that these are your babies Lord and You are trusting us to take care of them here on earth. Thank you so much for Dr. Rowe-words can't express how I feel about him. He is one person that is definitely doing exactly what you asked him to do with his life. Please protect him and keep him safe, strong, and healthy.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Lord, thank you for another day of babies in my belly. Thank you for letting them move inside of me. I don't know how your mother ever let you hand on that cross-I can't even begin to imagine her agony. I love my little boys so much and Jesus you were perfect-I know Mary loved you so much. I don't want my little guys to experience pain, much less death. I guess God knew what He was doing when He chose Mary, she has strength beyond human capacity.
Psalm 90,92, and 93
He is my Rock! God-Your works are great.
The Lord Reigns
The Lord is Mighty

Visitors yesterday- Heather B, Heather S, Marty S, Mom, Dad, Rick, Celinda, Susan M, Karen,Weldon Eubanks, Cotton, Pastor Rob, John. People that called Pree, Judy, KeaShawn, Pawpaw, Kay, Kim, Tricia H, Robby, and more)

My prayers:
Please be with Kea Shawn as she looks for a job and interviews today. Thank you for all of your many blessings in my life. I love you so much Lord. Thank you for loving me- I pray for all those people who don't know you. Please help me spread your love to them. Please perform a miracle in the cord of my babies-I know you are in the miracle business.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Guess what? It looks like I may get to see my beloved Bruschi this morning, which brings a big smile to my face. I know God blessed me with my dogs. My room looks lovely this morning with two beautiful flower bouquets my brother brought by last night.  My wonderful nurse from last night brought in two vases for the flowers-her name is Christy. The nurses here have been amazing! Thank you Lord for such wonderful, caring nurses that are taking care of me. Lots of people have been calling and are praying for me. I will pray that God can use this situation to honor and glorify Him and further His kingdom.  God-thank you so much for my Aunt Tricia- she truly is Your vessel. I feel I have so much to learn from her yet. She is like my "Christian mother," teaching me how to live a life that reflects Christ in all that I say and do.  She is a true gift in my life. She called ALL the people invited to the baby shower last night, which took a grand load off of my shoulders.
Today, I am going to read a scripture passage that my boss Kathy Schock sent me. I feel God places scripture on people's heart to share with me.
Philippians Chapter 4
*Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS
*Do not be anxious about anything
*Be content in any and every situation
*God will meet all my needs

In all situations and experiences we go through, God is always teaching us and growing us. I have been sitting here the past few days wondering what it is that God is teaching me. The funny thing is that there is no way for me to know that God's plan is right now, but my desire it to continue growing closer and closer to Him.

My prayer today is when the Bennett's arrive, please allow Paul time with his family to fellowship and gather strength from them. Thank you for all of the many blessings in my life and help me Lord to stay positive with my eyes on You alone.

Visitors from yesterday: Heather B., Mom, John E., Tricia, Karen, Neill, Celinda, and The Lyles.

D-DAY Sunday, November 8, 2009

Yesterday proved to be a little more trying for me. I gained 3 lbs of fluid, which makes breathing and getting around so much harder. Throughout the day it was mainly time with Paul and my mom and brother. A burst of visitors came by all at the same time in the evening. It make my night that Kim Culpepper's mom came by to see me- I know she is a prayer warrior. I had a few episodes of not being able to breath yesterday, which is quite scary. I feel sorry for people who have to live like this day by day.

Visitors from yesterday: John, Rhonda C, Jerry and DeeAnne Bennett, Mary B, Pawpaw, Kay W, Deb, Susan, Russell, Nina, Mom, Bruschi, and Paul.

Psalm 46
* God is my refuge and strength, He is my ever-present help in trouble
*I will not fear
*Be still and know that He is God
*God is my fortress

-Dr. Rowe is here it do my ultrasound, be back later!

**As you know, my ultrasound showed that Jacob's heart had stopped beating and Benjamin was in trouble. I has an emergency C-Section and my life was forever changed that day...

These writings are word-for-word out of my journaling.. It is weird how God was preparing me, but I truly never saw it coming.