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Sunday, February 19, 2012

A Bunch of Things

     I know it has been awhile since I have posted, but life has been really busy lately.  I started working-out consistently again going to bootcamp 3-4 times a week in the morning and then I went to my first Zumba class this week at my church. I can honestly say that I am a TERRIBLE dancer and have zero rhythm, but I let loose and had a blast. I used to work at the Verne Cox Center with all different types of people with an array of disabilities. One thing we always did at the center was a dance once a month. It is crazy, but I learned so much from this group of people. They truly danced like no one was watching because they did not care what other people thought of them, oh how I wish I could live like that. I honestly miss these dances, I had so much fun dancing at these dances. I decided that day at Zumba that I would just go with it. I couldn't stop smiling. I keep inviting people to come along because I enjoyed it so much. The instructor is a wonderful woman, her name is Nicole and she has FIVE children!!!! When you look at her, you can't tell that she has had that many kids, I don't know how she does it all and juggles all her different responsibilities. She also leads the MOPS group that I go to and I absolutely love those Fridays.
     Speaking of MOPS, we had a guest speaker on Friday and she talked about making our home a "yes" home. I loved what she said. It honestly is easier to say no to our kids. I decided that when Thomas wants to read a book, I am going to stop doing dishes or vacuuming and read him a book. If he wants to bake cookies right after I clean the kitchen, I am going to bake cookies. He already is growing up too quickly and I want to take advantage of every opportunity to make memories with him.  I also want to pray more for my son and his future wife, his future friends, and I really pray that he wants to serve Jesus as well. I hope that our home will reflect the love of Christ in such a way that my son will choose Jesus.
     This weekend, my alma mater, ULM came into town to play U of H and Paul, Thomas and I went to cheer them on. It was great to see Coach Holloway and catch up with her. She had such a huge impact on my life, just the simple fact that she wanted me on her team and going up to Monroe was one of the best decisions of my life. While we were there, Thomas rolled down his first hill. He loved it and laughed the whole time. He is so happy, and Coach made my whole day when she said that Thomas had my smile!  My heart fills with joy each time I see him smile. He has started saying "I love you," and I get all tearful every time he says it, he will never know how long my heart ached to hear those words from MY CHILD. He is my greatest accomplishment.
     Lately, I have been blessed with several random acts of kindness/thoughtfulness. A coworker/friend Jennifer blessed me with a really sweet card and angel on Tuesday. She brightened my day and the words on the card made me smile all day. One of my little cousin Deborah's friends blessed me with a sweet gift that same night when I got home. I had one of those really long, frustrating days at work where it felt like no matter what I did, I kept messing up. Caitlin has been in my life for a long time and has been at almost all of my fundraisers. She left me a really cute mug full of candy and the nicest card. It made me cry. What most people don't know is that I keep these cards with me in my binder and I read them when I am waiting at the doctor's office or in the hospital and it really encourages me. Paul's Nana sent me a very uplifting card and blessed me with a gift card for a pedicure. My friend Kim Artall blessed me with foot scrub, a gift card, and a lovely card. I LOVE CARDS, just ask Paul. I always tell him that I don't really care what he buys me for my birthday or for Christmas, but I just want an emotional card from him.
     This past Friday after MOPS, I met Kim Artall and Andrea Jewell for a long overdue lunch/play date. It was so great to catch-up with them and at the same time, it is the strangest feeling to realize that we have all grown-up. We are all parents, we are all responsible, and we are all bruised. What I mean by that is that we have all experienced pain in our lives that have changed us and molded our lives. When you are growing-up with people, you don't think about this kind of stuff. I look at Andrea and I can't imagine being a single mom to two boys and juggling work, school, taking care of her grandmother, and parenting.  Thomas immediately took to Andrea and actually ate his first ice cream cone with her. I know he is a good judge of character now! I look at Kim, who is one of those people that her biggest flaw is that when she loves and cares about someone, she gives them so much. She is so thoughtful and giving, but people don't always return the favor. I was one of those people a long time ago that didn't give Kim nearly as much as she gave me. I am glad we have gotten past that and I am thankful for the gift of forgiveness. It is a blessing to watch her be a mommy to Miles, who I like to call "Mr. Blue-eyes." He seriously has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. Friday was a glimpse of how I used to dream my life would be at my age, I always thought my kid and Kim's kid would play together and Friday made my heart so happy! 
     I had one appt in the past couple of weeks, which was with my cardiologist. I went for a routine 6 month check-up as part of my transplant requirements. My last appt was great, so I went thinking this would be a breeze. I had a little snag. Thomas was playing with my phone and he held the button down on the bottom for a long time. When I went to make a call, the little arrow that you slide over was gone. I could not turn my phone off, answer it, open it, nothing. MY LIFE is in my phone, all my numbers, all the dates of all my appts and plans, and it is literally my LIFELINE if I get "the call." I was on my way to the medical center so I stopped at the Verizon store and asked if there was a way to reset my iphone. The lady was rude and said that bc I had a little crack on the back of the phone, there was nothing I could do. I explained that the crack had been there since I first got it and I just needed to know the "trick" to reset it. She said I had to pay more than $600 to buy a new phone. UHH, no thanks. So, then in a voice and tone used to correct a four year old, she explained that I could add a line and buy a new iphone at a much cheaper price. The whole time my heart is racing thinking about missing "the call." The reason I am so afraid is because I am now at the top of the "B" blood type list of livers!  I told her that the reason I needed a phone was due to me being on the transplant list, because if I wasn't, I would have just waited until I got back home to Pasadena and went to the Verizon store there. She lectures me about otter boxes and how I need to take better care of my phone and the whole time I kept asking about resetting my phone. She promised to transfer my contacts, which she didn't do, and the whole time she treated me like I was worthless. It is in these moments that I want to scream at people and tell them that I am by no means an idiot and I start getting self-righteous, but I held it in because none of my earthly accomplishments really matter in the long run. I go to my appt that was supposed to be busy and after doing the one test I needed, I was informed that I would need further tests. RED FLAG raised, so I asked what was going on and the doctor, who I think resembles Mr. Burns on The Simpsons asked me if I am Short Of Breath (nursing lingo SOB) all the time. I told him that the only time I am SOB is when I work-out. I was lucky enough to get an IV and after the tests, he explained the results. He said my liver just isn't keeping up like it used to. He said that the fluid is backing up into my lungs and increasing my lung pressures to the high range. I have to go back to see Mr. Burns in 3 months unless I start getting SOB and then I need to come in sooner. I asked what I could do to fix this and he said,"get a new liver."  If I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I would be rich. This news made me a little sad because I wanted to get a new liver before any of my other organs were affected. I already have a super enlarged liver and spleen. So, pray that a liver comes soon please!  This waiting game is for the birds. I have so many things left to accomplish. So, to finish my phone story, I bought a new phone and added a third line. But, after my appt, I went to the Pasadena store and 2.5 seconds after I walked-in, they showed my how to reset the iphone and my old phone was back in business. I had to go to the other Pasadena store to have my third line removed and the iphone returned to the store. There went 4.5 hours of my life I will never get back, but I am happy that I ended up okay after all was said and done.
   On a random note, I always feel like my cousin Karen's boyfriend knows everything. He is a genius, seriously. I finally found a question that Neill did not know the answer to. I asked him what kind of vinegar they use at Subway to put on your sandwhich and he did not know!!! So, my cousin Deb thinks it is red wine vinegar, so I am going to try it. Also, while I think cancer totally sucks, in a way, it has been a blessing to me. It woke me up, it made me look at my life and decide what is important, it makes me thankful for every single day, it makes me want to seize the day, it makes me want to be better, it makes me want to live, I want to live more now than I ever have before. It has made me more forgiving, harboring anger is just too hard, it has made me expect a little less of myself (like I don't always have to keep the house clean), I don't want it to be said at my funeral, "Katrinia kept a really clean house."  That is the last thing I want someone to say.  Thank you for all your prayers, support, love, encouragement, accountability, and thank you for reading. It is the coolest thing to meet a stranger that tells me they have read my blog!  I will try to be a better blogger and blog more!

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