Sometimes, when I least expect it, it hits me, it takes my breath away. I stop and think, "I have someone else's liver inside of me!" It still seems surreal some days that this is even possible. Who were the brave people who tried this for the first time? I want to thank them so much. I have yet to hear from my donor's family, but I have not lost hope. I keep praying that they will want to meet me and I can personally thank them. I think about him all the time and I know that his family must miss him so much.
I was blessed to spend this past weekend with two of my college roommates for Becca's Bachelorette weekend. It was so refreshing to spend time with them and two new friends I made. Becca's matron of honor and I really hit it off and I totally relate to her in almost every way, we are both even nurses. Her sis-in-law was very inspiring and so genuine that I felt like I hung on her every word. I also just ordered a book she recommended and I can't wait to start reading it. It was a time of reflection and thinking about my college years. I kept thinking about the question of, "am I living the life I thought I would be living?" This leads to me thinking about my life story. Of course, I never in a million years dreamed I would ever bury babies, be diagnosed with cancer, have a transplant, or even be blessed enough to be called, Mom! This weekend was great to be around other wives that LOVE their husbands, are honest about their quirks and annoying habits, and all of our talk centered around our faith in Christ.
My friend Katy, aka Pollyanna, has had 3 babies in 3.5 years! Yes, she still has a six pack and her baby is only 3 months old, but I almost forgot why I love her so much. She is such a strong Christian, yet never judgemental or condescending, she is able to relate to everyone. I was able to spend the night with her parents on Friday night and I felt giddy like a little kid the night before Christmas. I was able to pick fresh fruit from their garden and eat it, I learned broccoli cooking tricks from Mrs. Jan, I had in depth conversations with Mrs. Jan too, and I felt at home. This family is such a fine example of what I desire my family to be like. I honestly think that if I had my car break down in the middle of the night anywhere remotely close to Baton Rouge, this family would pick me up, take me home, feed me, and help me get my car fixed. They are just good people. Not to mention that Mr. Bobby fixed me a "K" and a teddy bear pancake Saturday morning. I love the fact that all of their children are into health, exercising, and Jesus.
I found out that I was the only one out of all five girls that doesn't get car sick! I rode in the back of my van for the first time. I know what you are thinking, we looked so cool pulling up in a minivan on our big bachelorette weekend! I am finally to the point that I can talk about my babies without crying or making people feel uncomfortable. I still kept thinking about little things and why I cared about certain things that none of my other friends seem to think about, they all seem a little more laid back. I used to be so carefree and spontaneous. I am so serious about my time with Thomas, I never really give myself a break, but I guess being worried that you might actually die changes how you view things and for sure your priorities. I just want to make sure that these are good changes. Once you have a bad MRI, all MRIs after that are super stressful. I honestly used to go in with the attitude that everything would be okay, but now, I stress out until I hear the results. I am constantly thinking about the environments I am in, what I will be exposed to, what type of food will be available, etc.. I hate being high-maintenance, but it is so much better than the alternative. I know I am bouncing all around here, but it has been so long that I have blogged, I have a lot to say.
I am super excited about Becca's Wedding this summer! I will get to spend more time with the bridal party and after the wedding, I get to go see the Tan's! I have missed my bud Cherie so much. She even has a new baby boy that I get to meet for the first time. They live in Florida, close to where the wedding is, so we are staying a couple of nights with them! When I was face-booking her about our plans, I read the previous message she had sent me in January of 2012, just one month before my transplant. It was so nice and comforting. The last sentence said," You will see Thomas graduate high school and college, see him get married, and see your grandchildren grow!" Those words mean so much to me, I still get teary reading them. I am such a blessed person when it comes to friendships!
Something that I think about that other people probably don't is when Thomas gets hurt and cries out for me saying "I want my momma," it makes my heart swell with joy, but I always think about my donor and how he once cried for his mother the same way. I bet she longs to speak to him or for him to call her for help or advice.I find myself thinking about her often and how hard losing her son must be. I just keep praying that I will be able to meet her someday.
I am going to say it again, I really hope to do a better job blogging more often! Thanks for reading.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Saturday, February 23, 2013
One Year Liversary
I cannot believe it has been one year! I am so thankful, joyful, humbled, and the list goes on. I couldn't help but think about my donor's family today too. This has to be a very hard time for them. We both have an anniversary today, but they are so very different. I still have not heard anything from his family, but I'm going to keep trying to make contact with them. It is so important to me to personally thank them.
This year has been wonderful. Sometimes I get emotional just sitting in the car driving around doing errands with Thomas. I will hear him say a new phrase, or he asks to hold my hand, or the absolute best thing in the world is when he tells me he loves me out of the clear blue sky! I cry thinking about how blessed I am to hear these things and watch him grow. Having a child changes you in every way. You instantly become selfless, you no longer need adequate amounts of sleep, and you never stop thinking about them. I pray for the mother of my donor because she must miss her son so much. I kinda went through a spell of being sad after a lovely lady I went to church with had a liver transplant performed by my doctors as well. Unfortunately, after months of fighting, she lost her fight. I guess I had survivor's guilt or something. I would cry every time I thought of her. Why did I do so well after transplant? Why couldn't she live too? While this makes me sad, it is also a great reminder of how my life could have been so different. I feel like I can't say thank you enough to God, my medical team, my family, my church, and especially my donor.
I watched this special last night on tv about Robin Roberts and her transplant. I could relate to her story in so many ways. She talked about wanting her mom so bad, but her mom had recently passed away. I realized how lucky I am to still have my mom. She knows how to make me feel better in every situation, and she plays with my hair better than anyone else! Robin talked about 30 days in like a solitary room to protect her from germs. I reflected on the 30 days I could not hold Thomas. Not being able to hold him was the absolute worst part of this whole ordeal. I had worried about the pain before the surgery, but there is no medicine to take away heart pain. Ultimately, of course I know that not holding him was a small sacrifice compared to all the other outcomes.
I feel like every relationship in my life is different, on a higher level now. You start to treat people different and look at them with new eyes when you thought you might have only a small amount of time left with them. I still have a list of things I need to work on, but everyday I get a little closer to my goals. I hope to make my donor proud each day, but more importantly, I hope to honor Christ each and every day of my life!
This year has been wonderful. Sometimes I get emotional just sitting in the car driving around doing errands with Thomas. I will hear him say a new phrase, or he asks to hold my hand, or the absolute best thing in the world is when he tells me he loves me out of the clear blue sky! I cry thinking about how blessed I am to hear these things and watch him grow. Having a child changes you in every way. You instantly become selfless, you no longer need adequate amounts of sleep, and you never stop thinking about them. I pray for the mother of my donor because she must miss her son so much. I kinda went through a spell of being sad after a lovely lady I went to church with had a liver transplant performed by my doctors as well. Unfortunately, after months of fighting, she lost her fight. I guess I had survivor's guilt or something. I would cry every time I thought of her. Why did I do so well after transplant? Why couldn't she live too? While this makes me sad, it is also a great reminder of how my life could have been so different. I feel like I can't say thank you enough to God, my medical team, my family, my church, and especially my donor.
I watched this special last night on tv about Robin Roberts and her transplant. I could relate to her story in so many ways. She talked about wanting her mom so bad, but her mom had recently passed away. I realized how lucky I am to still have my mom. She knows how to make me feel better in every situation, and she plays with my hair better than anyone else! Robin talked about 30 days in like a solitary room to protect her from germs. I reflected on the 30 days I could not hold Thomas. Not being able to hold him was the absolute worst part of this whole ordeal. I had worried about the pain before the surgery, but there is no medicine to take away heart pain. Ultimately, of course I know that not holding him was a small sacrifice compared to all the other outcomes.
I feel like every relationship in my life is different, on a higher level now. You start to treat people different and look at them with new eyes when you thought you might have only a small amount of time left with them. I still have a list of things I need to work on, but everyday I get a little closer to my goals. I hope to make my donor proud each day, but more importantly, I hope to honor Christ each and every day of my life!
Monday, October 1, 2012
What a Difference a Year Makes
We just celebrated Thomas' second Birthday and I have to tell you that this year, everything was so different for me. Last year, I had in the back of my mind that this might be my only party with my precious son. This year, I couldn't contain my excitement and joy when planning his party. I love seeing all my friends with and without children gathering to celebrate the best year ever. His first Birthday party had a barn/farm animal theme and I had photo invitations made at JCPenny's,and I HAD to have hay for the photo shoot. I went to a local feed store and asked to buy a couple of bales of hay. The owner said she didn't know me and apparently there was some sort of hay shortage last year due to the drought. I had no idea. I was not prepared for this lady to refuse me hay, so I just lost it. I had this picture in my head and I had to make it happen. I was honest and had told her I wanted it for my son's B-day photo shoot. She was caught off guard and asked my why I was so upset and I told her my dilemma. She ended up selling me the hay and I ended up taking it right back to her after the photo shoot. So, I guess I ended up "renting" the hay. At his party, he had to be in my sight or next to me the whole time last year. I was in such a state of fear and the unknown, what would my future hold?
This year, completely different for me. I still went all out with the theme of airplanes, but I was relaxed, I trusted that Thomas was OK running around like a crazy man and smiling all night. I visited with friends and family and just totally enjoyed it, enjoyed my son, enjoyed my life, enjoyed the sounds, the smells, the mistakes, the things I forgot, I soaked it all in. At the end of the night, as I was laying on the floor exhausted while wonderful friends (the Montoya's and Smiths) were probably sweeping floors and moving tables back into the appropriate Sunday School classrooms, my sweet, sweet son came and layed directly on top of me, kissed my lips, snuggled me, giggled, and then went back to playing with his friends. I had tears, tears of mommy bliss, this is what makes all the trials, training, and frustrations of rearing kids worth it. I would go through a hundred temper tantrums just for another show of love like that. There is no greater blessing than that of a child, any way you come to acquire a child, they are such a blessing. These feelings always make me reflect on two things: Did I do this to my parents, did I just love on them for no reason, did I look at them the way Thomas looks at me? Did I make them feel the way Thomas makes me feel?, and I always think about how I view other people. I get convicted quite often. Do I judge someone that gets pregnant out of wedlock, or someone that isn't financially ready for a baby that gets pregnant anyway? To be honest, I often come back to my beautiful niece Karina. I mean, I can't imagine my life, or anyone in my familys' life without her. My sister wasn't married and Karina was half African American, but she was ours and she was perfect. I remember how her birth healed so many wounds. So many things had been said that were so ugly and nasty to my sister, but I was there, I saw the way my sister looked at her baby, it was all well worth it. I learned something important at a young age, IT IS NEVER THE BABY'S FAULT. I never understand how people can not want a baby in this world. They are all such gifts. All the anger and hatefulness that had plagued my sister's pregnancy was suddenly gone without a trace, once people layed their eyes on Karina.
One other thing I have learned since having a child. As most of you know, I used to be a teacher. So many times during parent/teacher conferences, a parent would ask me, "Do you have children?" This would always infuriate me and I would say something stupid about my degree, blah, blah, blah. Well, I was reflecting the other day and realized what those parents meant, I understand now. They were really saying, "This is my baby, the thing I love more than anything, I would do anything for him, are you doing everything for him, are you treating him the way I would treat him? It is a love like no other. I posted on my Facebook account that loving Thomas has brought me closer to God, He had to love me so much to let His only son, Jesus die on the cross for me. It is so humbling. I kinda giggle now that I have friends that are expecting for the first time and they talk about how their life isn't going to change that much after the baby arrives. I laugh at myself because I used to be that person. But, there is no way your life won't change because you learn what love really is, there is no way anyone can explain this love to you, it is simply amazing.
Thanks for reading! Still no word from my donor family as of yet, but I'm still praying and hoping that they contact me. I have a strong desire to meet them. I will keep you posted.
This year, completely different for me. I still went all out with the theme of airplanes, but I was relaxed, I trusted that Thomas was OK running around like a crazy man and smiling all night. I visited with friends and family and just totally enjoyed it, enjoyed my son, enjoyed my life, enjoyed the sounds, the smells, the mistakes, the things I forgot, I soaked it all in. At the end of the night, as I was laying on the floor exhausted while wonderful friends (the Montoya's and Smiths) were probably sweeping floors and moving tables back into the appropriate Sunday School classrooms, my sweet, sweet son came and layed directly on top of me, kissed my lips, snuggled me, giggled, and then went back to playing with his friends. I had tears, tears of mommy bliss, this is what makes all the trials, training, and frustrations of rearing kids worth it. I would go through a hundred temper tantrums just for another show of love like that. There is no greater blessing than that of a child, any way you come to acquire a child, they are such a blessing. These feelings always make me reflect on two things: Did I do this to my parents, did I just love on them for no reason, did I look at them the way Thomas looks at me? Did I make them feel the way Thomas makes me feel?, and I always think about how I view other people. I get convicted quite often. Do I judge someone that gets pregnant out of wedlock, or someone that isn't financially ready for a baby that gets pregnant anyway? To be honest, I often come back to my beautiful niece Karina. I mean, I can't imagine my life, or anyone in my familys' life without her. My sister wasn't married and Karina was half African American, but she was ours and she was perfect. I remember how her birth healed so many wounds. So many things had been said that were so ugly and nasty to my sister, but I was there, I saw the way my sister looked at her baby, it was all well worth it. I learned something important at a young age, IT IS NEVER THE BABY'S FAULT. I never understand how people can not want a baby in this world. They are all such gifts. All the anger and hatefulness that had plagued my sister's pregnancy was suddenly gone without a trace, once people layed their eyes on Karina.
One other thing I have learned since having a child. As most of you know, I used to be a teacher. So many times during parent/teacher conferences, a parent would ask me, "Do you have children?" This would always infuriate me and I would say something stupid about my degree, blah, blah, blah. Well, I was reflecting the other day and realized what those parents meant, I understand now. They were really saying, "This is my baby, the thing I love more than anything, I would do anything for him, are you doing everything for him, are you treating him the way I would treat him? It is a love like no other. I posted on my Facebook account that loving Thomas has brought me closer to God, He had to love me so much to let His only son, Jesus die on the cross for me. It is so humbling. I kinda giggle now that I have friends that are expecting for the first time and they talk about how their life isn't going to change that much after the baby arrives. I laugh at myself because I used to be that person. But, there is no way your life won't change because you learn what love really is, there is no way anyone can explain this love to you, it is simply amazing.
Thanks for reading! Still no word from my donor family as of yet, but I'm still praying and hoping that they contact me. I have a strong desire to meet them. I will keep you posted.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Super Six Months and Donor Letter
I can hardly believe it has already been six months since my transplant. I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I am and how wonderful I feel. I went to my six month check-up and everything looks wonderful. I am still struggling with blood sugars some time, but I have an Endocrinologist I am working with in Clear Lake for this issue. I figure both my parents are diabetics, three of my medications cause a spike in blood sugar, and I am still overweight. I am struggling with finding time to exercise all the time now that I am back at work full-time, but I haven't given up. I just look at Thomas sometimes, and I would rather do stuff with and for him, but I know that the best thing I can do for him is get in the best shape possible. I am down to just the following medications: Prograf, Cellcept, Magnesium, Calcium with Vit D, Protonix, Ursodiol, Metformin, and Bactrim! I feel like life is getting back to normal, I occasionally wish for a moment where I don't have to think about so many things, like what type of food will be served at a party, what way will the food be served, will it be a lot of people in a cramped space, what kind of water will we be swimming in, do you have well water, etc.. It can get overwhelming sometimes! I am so very thankful for the past six months that my precious donor has allowed me to live to the fullest. Below is what my letter said, minus a few really personal things, I hand wrote the letter sent to the family as well as enclosed pictures of me with my son and family. Please keep praying that they will want to meet me some day.
To the Most Wonderful Family I Have Never Met,
I have to admit, this is one of the hardest letters to write. Why? Because it is the most important letter I have ever written. I don't know words good enough, honorable enough, thankful enough to describe how I feel about your son and your family. What do I say to the most selfless, loving people I have never met, but I feel so bonded to. I received your son's liver and on February 23rd, my life forever changed. I received the greatest gift anyone has ever given me besides God's gift of Jesus Christ. While the phone call I received that night made me rejoice and get on my knees thanking God for this miracle, I realized at that moment that your family just received the most devastating news because you lost someone so special to you. I wish I knew his name, his interests, what he looked like, and I really wish I knew everything about him. I imagine him as a son, brother, uncle, nephew, friend, grandson, boyfriend, cousin, and I know he played so many roles in all the lives he touched.
I figure that you want to know a little about me too. I was born and raised in Pasadena, Tx. I have been married to my husband Paul for the last four and a half years. I have an older sister, Patricia, and a younger brother, John. I am a cousin to many wonderful people that helped me so much during my journey, I am an aunt, a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece, but my most prized role is that of being a mother to my son Thomas John Bennett. He is 22 months old at this time and I am also a mother to my twin angels in heaven.
When I found out my Autoimmune Hepatitis had turned into Cirrhosis and then liver cancer, I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I had such strong faith, I believed God would heal me with a miracle, I just didn't realize my miracle would happen through your son. He is my miracle. Every second after my diagnosis suddenly became so important to me. I wanted to leave such an impression on my son. I wanted to make lasting memories with him, but mostly- I wanted to LIVE. The only reason I have a future to raise my son is because of your son. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! Those two words just don't seem like enough. I wish I could hug you and meet you and show you just how grateful I am.
I think of your son every single day. I live my life different now. I desire to honor him and his precious life. I just can't thank you enough. This whole experience has changed every aspect of my life because I am now a better nurse when I go to my job, I honor your son. I am a much better wife and mother- I want to be more selfless like your family. I eat better, I exercise regularly now, I want you to know that I am taking the best possible care of my liver that I can. I have followed my doctor's orders to the tee!
I would love to meet you, if you would want to meet me and my family. I would love to know his name, to be able to speak it, to be able to tell others about him and call him by name. I am enclosing pictures of my family and I hope you are at a point in your grieving where we can have contact.
I often think about if I was put in your shoes, would I be able to make the same decision if Thomas was the one that would be the donor. I know I now would make the same decision you did because I know firsthand how precious a gift an organ is. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Love,
Katrinia
While typing this up, I realized there are places I could have improved the letter, but I am happy I completed it and sent it off. I am currently thinking about a way to honor him every year on February 23. I never want him to be forgotten.
A few things that have happened lately that make me smile. Today, as I was rocking Thomas to sleep for his nap, I kissed him on the face after I thought he was asleep. He opened his eyes and said,"One more Momma," this melted my heart, tears started flowing. I am so happy to have moments like this. I didn't just give him one more kiss, but several more kisses.
I am sick of all the election stuff going on right now, because I think what I have realized is that change really does start with myself. I want to stand up for what I know is right. I am tired of hearing filth every where I turn. What has happened to modesty? What has happened to people feeling ashamed of bad behavior? Why is it OK for people to make excuses for everything they do wrong? Why are people so mean? I feel like I can make a change by making my voice heard more often, but I don't want to hurt others in the process. I hope I get better and stronger every day.
On a total different note, I watched the series New York Med for the past couple of months, and if any of you were able to watch this show, I loved it. It was so touching. I cried every time I watched it. They showed a liver transplant and everything the man that received the liver felt, struck a cord with me. His son told the doctor before his dad was wheeled off, "Please take care of my hero." I just balled.
Thomas' Birthday is coming up on September 30th, my baby will be two. It has flown by, but every second of being his Mommy has been wonderful. He taught me all about a love I never knew before.
Until next time.
To the Most Wonderful Family I Have Never Met,
I have to admit, this is one of the hardest letters to write. Why? Because it is the most important letter I have ever written. I don't know words good enough, honorable enough, thankful enough to describe how I feel about your son and your family. What do I say to the most selfless, loving people I have never met, but I feel so bonded to. I received your son's liver and on February 23rd, my life forever changed. I received the greatest gift anyone has ever given me besides God's gift of Jesus Christ. While the phone call I received that night made me rejoice and get on my knees thanking God for this miracle, I realized at that moment that your family just received the most devastating news because you lost someone so special to you. I wish I knew his name, his interests, what he looked like, and I really wish I knew everything about him. I imagine him as a son, brother, uncle, nephew, friend, grandson, boyfriend, cousin, and I know he played so many roles in all the lives he touched.
I figure that you want to know a little about me too. I was born and raised in Pasadena, Tx. I have been married to my husband Paul for the last four and a half years. I have an older sister, Patricia, and a younger brother, John. I am a cousin to many wonderful people that helped me so much during my journey, I am an aunt, a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece, but my most prized role is that of being a mother to my son Thomas John Bennett. He is 22 months old at this time and I am also a mother to my twin angels in heaven.
When I found out my Autoimmune Hepatitis had turned into Cirrhosis and then liver cancer, I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I had such strong faith, I believed God would heal me with a miracle, I just didn't realize my miracle would happen through your son. He is my miracle. Every second after my diagnosis suddenly became so important to me. I wanted to leave such an impression on my son. I wanted to make lasting memories with him, but mostly- I wanted to LIVE. The only reason I have a future to raise my son is because of your son. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! Those two words just don't seem like enough. I wish I could hug you and meet you and show you just how grateful I am.
I think of your son every single day. I live my life different now. I desire to honor him and his precious life. I just can't thank you enough. This whole experience has changed every aspect of my life because I am now a better nurse when I go to my job, I honor your son. I am a much better wife and mother- I want to be more selfless like your family. I eat better, I exercise regularly now, I want you to know that I am taking the best possible care of my liver that I can. I have followed my doctor's orders to the tee!
I would love to meet you, if you would want to meet me and my family. I would love to know his name, to be able to speak it, to be able to tell others about him and call him by name. I am enclosing pictures of my family and I hope you are at a point in your grieving where we can have contact.
I often think about if I was put in your shoes, would I be able to make the same decision if Thomas was the one that would be the donor. I know I now would make the same decision you did because I know firsthand how precious a gift an organ is. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Love,
Katrinia
While typing this up, I realized there are places I could have improved the letter, but I am happy I completed it and sent it off. I am currently thinking about a way to honor him every year on February 23. I never want him to be forgotten.
A few things that have happened lately that make me smile. Today, as I was rocking Thomas to sleep for his nap, I kissed him on the face after I thought he was asleep. He opened his eyes and said,"One more Momma," this melted my heart, tears started flowing. I am so happy to have moments like this. I didn't just give him one more kiss, but several more kisses.
I am sick of all the election stuff going on right now, because I think what I have realized is that change really does start with myself. I want to stand up for what I know is right. I am tired of hearing filth every where I turn. What has happened to modesty? What has happened to people feeling ashamed of bad behavior? Why is it OK for people to make excuses for everything they do wrong? Why are people so mean? I feel like I can make a change by making my voice heard more often, but I don't want to hurt others in the process. I hope I get better and stronger every day.
On a total different note, I watched the series New York Med for the past couple of months, and if any of you were able to watch this show, I loved it. It was so touching. I cried every time I watched it. They showed a liver transplant and everything the man that received the liver felt, struck a cord with me. His son told the doctor before his dad was wheeled off, "Please take care of my hero." I just balled.
Thomas' Birthday is coming up on September 30th, my baby will be two. It has flown by, but every second of being his Mommy has been wonderful. He taught me all about a love I never knew before.
Until next time.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Something Old
So, I know it has been too long, sorry for the hiatus. I need to finish telling you about the car situation. The weekend we were going camping (Memorial Weekend), after I had loaded the back of the van perfectly, we left bright and early Saturday morning and wouldn't you know it, just a few blocks after filling the van up with gas, all four brake light warning indicators thingies on the dashboard light up. After my last experience with the brakes going out in the FJ, I was not taking any chances. We turned around, threw everything in the back of the truck hastily, and then filled the truck up with gas and finally headed out. On Tuesday morning after Memorial Day, we took the van to a Chrysler dealership to get serviced because after all, I had bought a WARRANTY! So, they fix several problems on the van because each time we take it in, the deductible is the same no matter how many things they fix according to my WARRANTY PAPERWORK I had from my signing day at the dealership. So, they call on Friday that everything is fixed and it is going to be $800 ish because we don't have a warranty. I bring my paperwork and show them, so more investigation is needed. We call the dealership and leave messages, talk to the wrong people, and wait. We wait, wait, wait for a week and a half. I felt like they were holding my van hostage. The dealership "forgot" to file the proper paperwork for my warranty, so indeed I did not have one, even though I really did pay for one. Okay, so now they were going to file the papers and we would have the warranty and then we could finally go pick up the van. I WISH! The warranty place confirmed that the dealership did file the paperwork, but had not sent the money and it usually takes 60-90 days for the dealership to send in the $$$ because they send in a bunch of them at once, so we would have to wait that long for them to pay. And, this warranty was different, so we would always have to pay up front and be reimbursed (only $200 out of the $800 was going to be reimbursed). ENOUGH ALREADY, we cancelled the warranty, the dealership came down $100 on our repairs and we finally rescued the van after a few weeks!
But, in all the this, the nicest thing happened to us. A wonderful lady and friend I work with loaned us her extra car. Let me tell you how sweet she and her husband are. I was at work with her and her husband drove the car to our job. They live in Brookshire, which is about an hour away. I had never even met this wonderful man and it touched my heart that someone would go that far out of the way for me. It was such a blessing to be able to continue my normal routine with Thomas and work. Thank you so much Cindy!
Now, on to the old thing I found. I found my BUCKET LIST from before I was even married. I wish I had dated it, but I know it was before I married Paul. Here is the list:
1. Kiss my love on top of the Empire State Building
2. Do travel nursing for one year.
3. Go back to Africa for medical missions
4. Go to Hawaii.
5. Swim with the sharks
6. Sky Dive
7. Learn to ski
8. Adopt a family of orphans
9. Provide Christmas for a needy family
10. Stop caring what other people think especially strangers
11. Pay for Karina's college
12. Pay for Timmy's college
13. Complete a triathlon post transplant
14. Ride a horse bareback
15. Go to Australia
16. Keep in touch with old friends (Thank you Facebook)
17. Save someone's life
18. Lasik eye surgery
19. Get a tattoo
20. Start a research organization for Autoimmune Hepatitis
21. Thank Jesus daily for giving me another day
22. Go to Paris
23. Go back to Honduras
24. Catch a shark deep sea fishing
25. Go to a World Series Game.
Those were the things I wanted to do, only a few have changed. I can no longer get a tattoo, it is part of my post-transplant rules, they also strongly discourage out of country traveling, but for the most part, I would still love to do these things. I would add to the list: Meet my donor's family, be a Christ-like role model to my children, and to be a blessing to all the people I meet. Life is good, no, life is great! I hope to be back soon blogging more often!
I go weekly or sometimes every two weeks for labs. Everything is looking great so far and I feel fabulous.
But, in all the this, the nicest thing happened to us. A wonderful lady and friend I work with loaned us her extra car. Let me tell you how sweet she and her husband are. I was at work with her and her husband drove the car to our job. They live in Brookshire, which is about an hour away. I had never even met this wonderful man and it touched my heart that someone would go that far out of the way for me. It was such a blessing to be able to continue my normal routine with Thomas and work. Thank you so much Cindy!
Now, on to the old thing I found. I found my BUCKET LIST from before I was even married. I wish I had dated it, but I know it was before I married Paul. Here is the list:
1. Kiss my love on top of the Empire State Building
2. Do travel nursing for one year.
3. Go back to Africa for medical missions
4. Go to Hawaii.
5. Swim with the sharks
6. Sky Dive
7. Learn to ski
8. Adopt a family of orphans
9. Provide Christmas for a needy family
10. Stop caring what other people think especially strangers
11. Pay for Karina's college
12. Pay for Timmy's college
13. Complete a triathlon post transplant
14. Ride a horse bareback
15. Go to Australia
16. Keep in touch with old friends (Thank you Facebook)
17. Save someone's life
18. Lasik eye surgery
19. Get a tattoo
20. Start a research organization for Autoimmune Hepatitis
21. Thank Jesus daily for giving me another day
22. Go to Paris
23. Go back to Honduras
24. Catch a shark deep sea fishing
25. Go to a World Series Game.
Those were the things I wanted to do, only a few have changed. I can no longer get a tattoo, it is part of my post-transplant rules, they also strongly discourage out of country traveling, but for the most part, I would still love to do these things. I would add to the list: Meet my donor's family, be a Christ-like role model to my children, and to be a blessing to all the people I meet. Life is good, no, life is great! I hope to be back soon blogging more often!
I go weekly or sometimes every two weeks for labs. Everything is looking great so far and I feel fabulous.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Let's Play Catch-Up
I can't believe I didn't blog at all in the month of May. So much has happened. The last time I blogged was on Paul's Birthday, which ended up being a lot of fun. We had homemade chilli for dinner and a big cookie cake for the birthday festivities. Thomas loves the Birthday song and he had fun hanging out with his cousins Hannah and Mason. The next morning I went to the Endocrinologist and guess what???? No more insulin for this chica! I switched to Metformin only the following Wednesday, praise the Lord!
Doesn't she look beautiful and happy! I love her!
So, the next big thing that happened was my cousin Karen had a birthday celebration. Her actual bday is May 9th, but we had a party on May 6th at her sister Deborah's house. I made Karen a "recreation" of a cake I had made for her when we were in elementary school when she had the chicken pox. I decorated it with Red Hots, just like the good ole days. I can remember being so excited to give her this cake when we were little, I love that we grew-up across the street from one another, that is just so cool. Anyways, her mom made the real cake which is a made-from-scratch chocolate sheet cake. I am serious when people come to birthday parties in our family based on the fact that Kay will be making this delicious dessert. I still get a little emotional when I look at Karen, I just think she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, especially since I know her inside out. She has lived her entire life helping others and she is leaving such a legacy. On Wednesday, we celebrated her real birthday at our special place, Jimmy Changas. We had a blast and this time I brought an ice cream cake that we shared with the wait staff.
This shot was taken at Karen's First Bday Celebration. I Love this kid more than I knew was possible.
Thomas loves the green sauce! Not a fun diaper later that night!
So, the next day was my appt with my cardiologist. After a few tests, I found out that my heart is HALF the size it was before transplant. I didn't even know it was so enlarged. And, all my lung pressures were back to normal, so it was a happy appt and I left with a sense of thankfulness! I left there and went to a new Bible Study I was attending with women of all different ages at my church. It was such a great time and I made new friends and spent time with old friends. We laughed a lot about growing-up, marriage, kids, funny church moments, and we really bonded. I love my church so much.
On May 12, Thomas and I went to Noah and Charlee's bday celebration. We only stayed a few minutes because I suddenly noticed a rash all on Thomas' feet, hands and mouth. You guessed it, he had hand, foot, mouth virus. So, no church for me on Mother's Day, but really, on Mother's Day I loved being his momma and taking care of him when he was sick. Mother's Day at church is still hard for me, I am always afraid they will ask mom's to keep standing if they have 1 child, 2 children, 3 children, and so on because I have seen this before. What would I do? I can't help but think about my precious boys in heaven on Mother's Day. I wonder how big they would be and what their little personalities would be like. I look forward to our reunion some day. I am so glad I know where I will spend my eternity.
For two hours on Mother's Day, Paul and my dad watched Thomas while Karen, Deborah, and I hosted our first annual Mother's Day Tea at my house. We had a blast. I stole the idea from my friend Becca, who threw the coolest tea party themed birthday for her daughter. We didn't allow any of our mothers to make or bring anything. We enjoyed great snacks, tea, and good times sharing about all of our childhoods and spending time thanking our moms and aunts for making us the women we are today. We made two crafts and a fan. We plan on doing this more often because girl time is a lot of fun.
This is one of the crazy shots from our tea, we had a really special time together! I love all these women!
So, the next big thing was my doctor's appt on May 17th, I did my usual labs, saw my Dr. O'Mahony, cried to her tears of utter thankfulness. I thanked her for making such a sacrifice for me, she gives up so much to do her job. I thanked her for all the wonderful staff and the excellent care I have received through this whole journey, I thanked her for always asking about Thomas, she remembers I am a mom and she explained to me why I am still on high doses of immunosuppressants. She said I was YOUNG and HEALTHY, so my immune system tries harder to reject my liver than an older person, so they would have to wing me down slowly. I have not been described as healthy in so long, it felt good to hear. That afternoon, I had a CT scan and two MRIs. I haven't heard anything about those, so no news is good news these days. At this appt, I received my BACK TO WORK papers and I went to turn those in and check all my passwords at work to make sure I hadn't been kicked out of the system. I had lunch with my good friend Kelly Brautigam in between all of this craziness and she made me laugh so much. That evening, I rushed to my women's Bible Study for our final night together (it was only four weeks). After the Bible Study, I rushed home to my baby and just held him and praised God for all the good things happening.
After being so happy, a little tinge of sadness started setting-in. I truly love my job, but I love taking care of Thomas full-time even more. I realized that May 23 was going to be bitter sweet. I love my job and the people I work with, but three solid months of Thomas Time was amazing. He has started peeing in the potty and we have a rhythm that I loved. I love snuggling with my baby right after he wakes up, it is the best feeling ever.
The next day was my last MOPS meeting, so sad, but excited about next year's theme PLUNGE. I love hanging out with these girls. This was also Thomas' last day of Mother's Day Out for the year :( He loves his "school" so much, but we are looking forward to next year. That evening, Paul's parents came into town and we celebrated their anniversary, Mother's Day, and Jerry's Birthday. We went to dinner at Cheddar's and then everyone came over for cake and we played RACKO. It was a fun time with all of Paul's family.
As you can see, we had three cakes to celebrate all the different events.
May 19th was a super busy day. Karina turned 17, where has all the time gone? Thomas and I went to her house for breakfast and gave her gift to her. Then, we went to Jackson's Pirate Bday party, then we sprinted to Karina's lunch bday celebration. We had to have a lunch celebration because Karina was going to PROM the evening of her birthday. I can't believe how grown-up she is and how beautiful she is. Below is a pic of her and Daniel (he is her boyfriend and I really really like him).
Later on in the evening, Paul and I went to see The Avengers, while Thomas got a little more spoiled by his Aunt Trishy and Mimi. The movie was really good and it was nice to spend a little alone time with my main man.
The next big thing that happened was MAY 23, I did it, I went back to work. It felt great to see everyone, catch up on all my emails, my computer work and nursing updates, and to be back in my element. Once I am at work, I love it, I believe nursing is one of the best professions in the world. I only had to work an 8 hour shift, so I was back home with my Tommy by 4:00 pm. I also worked on Friday, a full 12 hour shift, and it seemed to fly by! All day, I count down the minutes until I get to see my Thomas. Friday night, I loaded the van with all our camping stuff because we were leaving in the morning to go camping for my Aunt Kay's 60th Birthday. Not just because she is my aunt, but she honestly doesn't look or act 60! Saturday morning, we were all ready by 0630 and we headed out, but there was one problem, all the brake warning lights came on in the van. After my last brake drama, I was taking no chances, so we went home and threw everything in the truck and started over. My docs said I couldn't sleep on the ground in a tent, so we camped all day, but slept in a hotel at night. It was a very relaxing, hot weekend. We had a lot of fun with Thomas and all his cousins, Austin, Jackson, Cash, Charlee, and Noah. Paul even commented how nice it was to go to a family event where there was no drama. I must admit, it was really nice. Paul also loved my cousin Mike's camper. He has been reading all about them here lately! The only other camping experience Paul and I had was during November one year and it was COLD, no bueno. I am waiting for Karen to send me the pics from camping, or I would post one now. We rushed home on Sunday night and headed to Blayke's 4th Bday party, where Thomas swam and went down the big slide into the pool with his daddy. We were all pretty tuckered out and we all crashed Sunday night. Memorial Day arrived and we went to Aunt Celinda and Uncle Rick's house to swim some more and eat hamburgers. Monday was another low-key, relaxing day. Paul was mowing lawns all day, but he met us at their house for lunch. My sister, Karina, and Daniel all came too. There is nothing better than jumping into a cold pool on a hot day.
This is Thomas discovering what a "real" phone is at our hotel.
Jackson, Thomas, and Charlee eating a little jerky!
Tuesday, after Memorial Day, we woke-up early and took my van to the Chrysler dealership and this is where my nogoodverybadluckwithcars started-up again. This deserves it's own post, so I will save it for later.
One final thing, look at my new plates baby......
Sorry, I couldn't figure out how to turn this pic, but you get the idea!! If you are interested in getting Donate Life plates, I encourage you to do it, only $30. Thanks for keeping up with me and please forgive me for taking so long to blog again.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Life Goes On
It is weird how life just seems to keep going, but things are a little different. I am now aware of the important things in life. I had the absolute privilege to attend the First Annual Walk for Donor Awareness at Deer Park High School North Campus. A long-time friend Mel Black posted about it on her face book page. This subject is also very near and dear to her heart as her precious nephew was who was being honored at this event. Mason Black was both an organ recipient and donor at his way too early departure from this earth. I was so impressed by the three young high school students that put this whole event together. I wish the new media would cover stories like this because our world is still full of great kids. I found out that one of the girls was a daughter of a beautiful girl I went to high school with. She must be such a proud mother, and I know she is the one that taught her to have a compassionate heart. The money raised is being donated to Nora's House, which will be a house for transplant patients in the medical center, very similar to how the Ronald McDonald house works for pediatric patients. I ran into a ton of friends and made some great contacts with Donate Life. I really have a desire to get involved in these type of events and to help spread awareness. I want people to see me and know that organ transplantation is amazing, life-changing, and the best gift you could give someone.
The night was quite emotional for me as I left in tears just looking at my son and I hope he grows up to have a heart like the students I met. I hope he is full of passion to help others and to support such noble causes. I hope I don't raise him to be too busy to get involved in things like this. I love him so much and I know what a huge responsibility I have as his mother.
I have been seeing God answer prayers left and right lately. I want to scream from mountaintops about one in particular, but I can't say anything yet, so y'all will have to wait a little longer. But, it is a great feeling to look around at my friends and family and realize that God is at work all around me.One big blessing to me was my friend Priscilla's visit. She brought a few things to my attention and she stated that I have changed, and I guess I have. It is one of those instance's where all that I have been through in my life has left its mark. I am very cautious about what I say now and I have to think about every little detail of stuff before I do it. I think about where an event is (outside is best), what are they serving (can I eat it), will people be smoking (I cannot be around smoke at all), and how long will I be there because I need my meds, glucometer, blood pressure reader, thermometer, and all kinds of emergency numbers if necessary. It is hard for me to be spontaneous anymore, and I used to love being spontaneous (Thomas limits my ability to be spontaneous too). Anyways, all of this made me get to thinking about the person I am. She also thinks I honk too much when driving and I was trying to justify it by the recent wrecks I have had because now I am scared of people turning and hitting me all the time, so I might honk too frequently, but today (Pree you will be proud) I held off on honking. Pree is afraid I will get shot at for honking, she is from Los Angeles, enough said, but I don't want to ruin any one's day by honking at them. Sorry if I have honked at any of you recently. On a profound note, I never thought this would be my "story." I do remember saying in college at a church event about what we thought our future had in store for us and I boldly said,"I think God has great plans for my life and I hope He uses me to my fullest potential." Crazy words because I never thought this was my path. I never thought I would bury babies, I never thought I would be pregnant with twins, I never thought I would get pregnant a second time, I never thought I would have a chronic illness, I NEVER thought I would have cancer, and I for sure never thought I would receive a life-saving organ transplant. I never imagined God's plan for me and I hope I don't limit Him know, I hope to hear His voice clearly, and I mostly hope I follow His will and not my own for my life. Sometimes, as I was talking to my wonderful friend Becca Smith about, it is really hard to know which door God has opened, or what is His plan not only for me, but for my family. It is times like this that I want to tell teenagers, "Don't rush to grow-up, responsibility is not all that great some times." Why do we rush to grow-up? If I could, I would go back an enjoy every second of every family vacation, family camping trip, every holiday get-together, and every special moment I had with my Grandma Emerick. Oh, I miss her so much. I often go out to her graveside when I go and visit the boys. It brings me a little comfort knowing that she is buried close to them. Speaking of graves, I think Karen might think I am a little weird because I was telling her how I want the twins to be moved to be with me or right next to me when I pass on and I am buried. She advised that I should just leave them and let them rest in peace, but I envision us all buried together as a family someday. I know that it is just their bodies, not their souls in the grave. It just makes me smile when I think how all of us could be together at the cemetery when we weren't able to all be together here on earth.
Okay, so my labs have been a little bad here lately, my bilirubin has been elevated, so I have been doing labs more often and they change my medication doses every time I do labs. Tomorrow I go to an Endocrinologist to help me taper down off of my NPH insulin. While I am on the topic of blood sugars and diabetes, please listen-up parents of diabetic children. I, even as a nurse, never knew how TERRIBLE a person feels when their blood sugar is either too high or too low. I know of a couple of mothers who do a great job with their kids that are diabetics, but I have also run across families that must not know how serious diabetes is. It leads to kidney failure, slow-healing, loss of toes (sometimes legs), and all kinds of other problems. I can tell exactly what my blood sugar is by how I feel. So, I just want to encourage parents out there to please do your best to help your kids with this issue, they are too young to articulate how it makes them feel and they are not the ones preparing meals at home. Please ask their endocrinologist how many grams of carbs they are supposed to eat with each meal and stick with it, please always pair carbs with a protein, and please please teach them how to get help or what to do when they start feeling like their sugar is too low. I hope and pray that I will be able to call myself a non diabetic soon, but so much of that depends on my exercise routine because exercise works like insulin. While my labs or sugars might be out of whack sometimes, I feel fabulous most of the time. If I start to get down or feel sorry for myself, I just think of all the wonderful blessings, people, family, etc in my life and I feel better instantly. I hope to live a life that makes people want to become organ donors! I have a lot more to say, but finding the time to sit down and blog has been hard lately because if Thomas wants my attention, I stop what I am doing and give it to him, but right now he is snoozing away during his nap and I am taking full advantage.
I just have to do one more load of laundry and vacuum before Paul's family comes over for his 32nd Birthday Celebration. I am excited because I love Birthdays. Thanks for reading and let me know if there is ever anything you wonder about, I promise I am not shy!
The night was quite emotional for me as I left in tears just looking at my son and I hope he grows up to have a heart like the students I met. I hope he is full of passion to help others and to support such noble causes. I hope I don't raise him to be too busy to get involved in things like this. I love him so much and I know what a huge responsibility I have as his mother.
I have been seeing God answer prayers left and right lately. I want to scream from mountaintops about one in particular, but I can't say anything yet, so y'all will have to wait a little longer. But, it is a great feeling to look around at my friends and family and realize that God is at work all around me.One big blessing to me was my friend Priscilla's visit. She brought a few things to my attention and she stated that I have changed, and I guess I have. It is one of those instance's where all that I have been through in my life has left its mark. I am very cautious about what I say now and I have to think about every little detail of stuff before I do it. I think about where an event is (outside is best), what are they serving (can I eat it), will people be smoking (I cannot be around smoke at all), and how long will I be there because I need my meds, glucometer, blood pressure reader, thermometer, and all kinds of emergency numbers if necessary. It is hard for me to be spontaneous anymore, and I used to love being spontaneous (Thomas limits my ability to be spontaneous too). Anyways, all of this made me get to thinking about the person I am. She also thinks I honk too much when driving and I was trying to justify it by the recent wrecks I have had because now I am scared of people turning and hitting me all the time, so I might honk too frequently, but today (Pree you will be proud) I held off on honking. Pree is afraid I will get shot at for honking, she is from Los Angeles, enough said, but I don't want to ruin any one's day by honking at them. Sorry if I have honked at any of you recently. On a profound note, I never thought this would be my "story." I do remember saying in college at a church event about what we thought our future had in store for us and I boldly said,"I think God has great plans for my life and I hope He uses me to my fullest potential." Crazy words because I never thought this was my path. I never thought I would bury babies, I never thought I would be pregnant with twins, I never thought I would get pregnant a second time, I never thought I would have a chronic illness, I NEVER thought I would have cancer, and I for sure never thought I would receive a life-saving organ transplant. I never imagined God's plan for me and I hope I don't limit Him know, I hope to hear His voice clearly, and I mostly hope I follow His will and not my own for my life. Sometimes, as I was talking to my wonderful friend Becca Smith about, it is really hard to know which door God has opened, or what is His plan not only for me, but for my family. It is times like this that I want to tell teenagers, "Don't rush to grow-up, responsibility is not all that great some times." Why do we rush to grow-up? If I could, I would go back an enjoy every second of every family vacation, family camping trip, every holiday get-together, and every special moment I had with my Grandma Emerick. Oh, I miss her so much. I often go out to her graveside when I go and visit the boys. It brings me a little comfort knowing that she is buried close to them. Speaking of graves, I think Karen might think I am a little weird because I was telling her how I want the twins to be moved to be with me or right next to me when I pass on and I am buried. She advised that I should just leave them and let them rest in peace, but I envision us all buried together as a family someday. I know that it is just their bodies, not their souls in the grave. It just makes me smile when I think how all of us could be together at the cemetery when we weren't able to all be together here on earth.
Okay, so my labs have been a little bad here lately, my bilirubin has been elevated, so I have been doing labs more often and they change my medication doses every time I do labs. Tomorrow I go to an Endocrinologist to help me taper down off of my NPH insulin. While I am on the topic of blood sugars and diabetes, please listen-up parents of diabetic children. I, even as a nurse, never knew how TERRIBLE a person feels when their blood sugar is either too high or too low. I know of a couple of mothers who do a great job with their kids that are diabetics, but I have also run across families that must not know how serious diabetes is. It leads to kidney failure, slow-healing, loss of toes (sometimes legs), and all kinds of other problems. I can tell exactly what my blood sugar is by how I feel. So, I just want to encourage parents out there to please do your best to help your kids with this issue, they are too young to articulate how it makes them feel and they are not the ones preparing meals at home. Please ask their endocrinologist how many grams of carbs they are supposed to eat with each meal and stick with it, please always pair carbs with a protein, and please please teach them how to get help or what to do when they start feeling like their sugar is too low. I hope and pray that I will be able to call myself a non diabetic soon, but so much of that depends on my exercise routine because exercise works like insulin. While my labs or sugars might be out of whack sometimes, I feel fabulous most of the time. If I start to get down or feel sorry for myself, I just think of all the wonderful blessings, people, family, etc in my life and I feel better instantly. I hope to live a life that makes people want to become organ donors! I have a lot more to say, but finding the time to sit down and blog has been hard lately because if Thomas wants my attention, I stop what I am doing and give it to him, but right now he is snoozing away during his nap and I am taking full advantage.
I just have to do one more load of laundry and vacuum before Paul's family comes over for his 32nd Birthday Celebration. I am excited because I love Birthdays. Thanks for reading and let me know if there is ever anything you wonder about, I promise I am not shy!
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